riding the colectivo part 4: Permiso, Yo Bajo!

Welcome to the final installment of Riding the Colectivo! So far we’ve covered the Guia-T, bus stop behavior, and how to get on the bus without looking like a silly gringo or losing a limb. Yay! The next and final step is getting off the thing once you’ve managed all the above, and it’s really quite easy.

First and foremost, make sure you know the address/intersection you are going to—riding the bus is much less stressful if you know where you are going and don’t have to wing it. I also recommend looking at the route in the Guia-T before setting off so that you know approximately when you should begin the disembarking process. Whenever I’m going somewhere new, I look at the three streets that come before the street I want to get off at, so that I know when mine is coming up. For example, if I’m on the 152 coming down Santa Fe, and I want to get off at Billinghurst, I will look at the three streets before Billinghurst, which happen to be Salguero, Bulnes, and Coronel Diaz. When I see that the bus is passing these streets, I know that I should stand up and approach the door because Billinghurst is coming up.

So, as the bus is barreling down whichever streets its route dictates, pay attention to the names of the streets as you pass them in order to stay oriented. In general, bus stops are located every two blocks, so looking at the “altura” or street numbers can be helpful in determining where you are and when to get off (although they can be hard to see sometimes given the speed at which the buses go whizzing by). When you’ve calculated that your final destination is somewhere within the next three or four blocks, stand up and move towards the nearest door (except the front door, of course).

To signal the colectivero that you would like to get off of his bus, you have to press one of the buzzers (timbres) located on the poles near each door. Sometimes these buzzers actually make a noise that signal the driver, and sometimes they just make a light go off near his seat so he can see that someone would like to bajar. In any case, it’s best to press the timbre firmly and for about 1 second, just to make sure he got the point. However, if you see that someone near you has already pressed the timbre because they too would like to disembark, there is no need to press it again as that would just annoy the driver.

A word of caution: bus drivers here are notoriously violent in terms of their braking capabilities, so hold on tight when he begins the approach to the bus stop. Also, there is no guarantee that the driver will pull up exactly at the bus stop, so OJO when getting off. If there are taxis in the way, or other buses, he might just pull off to the side a little bit and then you have to be careful of oncoming traffic.

So that’s how it’s done! Once you’re on the bus, you can’t really mess it up, because even if you miss your street you can always just get off at the next stop. Unless you fall asleep and end up somewhere in Liniers when you meant to go to Palermo…that would be a big oops.

Anyway, hopefully you’ve learned a bit about the buses here in Buenos Aires and are no longer quite so intimidated by these monsters of transportation. Especially compared to bus systems in the US, the BA bus network really is a wonderful tool and the possibilities are endless once you figure out the basics. Just last night I was in La Paternal aka Pueblo Nowhere for the Manu Chao concert (oh.my.god.amazing) and had to find a way back to Barrio Norte. Out came the Guia-T, and I quickly became acquainted with the 108, 111, and 106, all of which conveniently run between here and there. Perfect!

If anyone has any ideas for more tutorials, just let me know…I’m always up for sharing the things I’ve learned the hard way. And believe me, I’ve learned everything the hard way.

riding the colectivo part 3: The Gringo on the Bus goes...

Welcome back! Its time for the next installment of Riding the Colectivo. So far we’ve covered the Guia-T and bus stop behavior, but at this point we haven’t actually made it onto the bus, which really is the whole point of the endeavor. So let’s go!

After finding the bus stop, waiting in line, and allowing all feeble people to board before you, what next? We’ll start with a word of caution. As I mentioned before, many colectiveros (bus drivers) will not wait until everyone is safely behind the yellow line before taking off (HA, safety regulations, what a joke). So, if you are the last one on the bus and it’s pretty crowded, get as far in as you can, hold on tight, then give the driver a quick “Dale” or “Bueno” so he knows its all right to go and there’s no one else trying to get on. Make sure your buttcheeks don’t get pinched in the door—I’ve seen it happen, it ain’t pretty.

Moving on to payment. Once you’re inside and intact (hopefully), you must tell the driver one of two things. First and easiest option: tell him the amount you wish to pay. The buses operate on a kind of distance-based fee system, where you pay different amounts based on how far you wish to go. In general, you will pay 90 centavos for a very short trip, within 10 blocks or so. 1.20 will take you up to 20 blocks, and 1.25 will take you anywhere further than that. These are the three main amounts, but occasionally you can say 1.10 and get away with it. This being said, if you say an amount and the driver puts in something different, just pay it, because there are some regulations about buses crossing into other companies’ areas and having to pay more or something like that. I don’t know the details, clearly, but the most you will pay is 1.25, so it’s really not that big a deal.

The second option is to tell the driver which street you would like to get off at or near. This works if you have a destination in mind and know that this destination is along the bus route. Once you tell him where you want to get off, the driver will put in the correct amount for that trip. For example, if you are riding the 152 down Santa Fe from Belgrano and know you want to get off at Avenida Puerreydon, you just get on, tell the driver “Hasta Puerreydon,” and he will push the little key that says 1.25, and that’s how much you pay.

Now, to actually pay you have to insert your coins (monedas) into the machine located right behind the driver. Once you tell the driver the amount or the destination, the fee will show up on the little screen on the machine. There are different types of moneda-eaters, but in general you just put the coins into a slot or into a little dish that has a motor in the back to pull the coins down, and that’s that. I once had an awful experience when I couldn’t find the slot for the coins (seriously, I was looking for it for like 2 minutes and couldn’t find it anywhere! Finally the lady behind me pointed it out, muttering something suspiciously ending in “-oluda.”) Point being, if you’re new to this and want to avoid appearing slow, watch the person in front of you and see where they put their coins. Also, with the dish-motor contraptions, don’t put all your coins in at once because there’s a good chance they will be spit violently back at you, hit you in the eye, and then you will have to crawl half-blinded around the floor looking for your last 5 centavos while people huff and sigh behind you. Hypothetically, of course.

After you have successfully paid the correct amount, a little ticket will print out of the machine. I don’t exactly understand the purpose of this ticket, since not once has anyone asked to see proof that I paid the measly fee, but you have to take it anyway, just in case! They usually just end up on the floor of the bus, but I personally like to roll it into a ball and flick at people with those ridiculous mullet-rattail hairdos (kidding! Or am I?)

*EDITED! I have now been asked to provide this slip of paper about four different times, so definitely make sure you hold on to it and don't mangle it or rip it into shreds. Occasionally a representative from the bus company will get on a bus and walk through, asking to see all the passengers' tickets, presumably to make sure they are paying the correct amount and not getting free rides. The man will board, announce that he would like to see the tickets, and then everyone will start rummaging around in their bags and pockets for the incredibly inconspicuous piece of paper. Then he'll come around, take your slip, put a little check on it, and hand it back to you. This has only ever happened to me on the 106 line, but I'm sure other lines have ticket-nazis as well, so keep that in mind!

Once you have your ticket, GO TO THE BACK OF THE BUS. This is a standard rule that everyone should follow. The seats at the front of the bus are reserved for older folk, women with kids, women who are preggers, disabled people, etc. If you sit there, not only will you have to face the rest of the bus and ride backwards, which is a little disconcerting, but you will probably also have to give your seat up relatively quickly given the number of afore-mentioned preggo/old/child-carrying people there are in this city.
And give seats up you must. If you are seated anywhere on the bus and someone who looks infirm or in need of a seat (ie with a cane, with a baby, etc) is standing near you or approaching, you should get up and offer your seat to them. This chivalry happens with amazing frequency, and I love it. Anyway, if there are seats available in the back part of the bus, feel free to take them. If not, you should go to the back anyway and take up a station holding the rails, praying for someone near you to get up. I usually pick the one person who is riding the ENTIRE line to stand near, and spend the whole ride glaring down at him and trying to force him with my eyes to just GET OFF already, where can you POSSIBLY be going that you have to sit there for SO LONG. Alternatively, you can stand in the little area in the middle of the bus where there is often a butt-rail to rest your hind parts upon but that really doesn’t do anything in the way of offering support or comfort. Your choice.

Another word of caution: watch your bag. Women: keep purses zipped and close to your body, especially if the bus is crowded. Messenger style bags are easy targets because they are so low down, so maybe keep a hand on the zip. If you’re wearing a backpack, I recommend wearing it on your front. Don’t feel silly doing this, because Argentines do it too…no one wants to get robbed! Men, you should already know this but keep your wallets in front pockets or, alternatively, wear jeans that are so tight you couldn’t get a credit card out of there. Again, your choice. 

So, that’s the bus! It’s easy, no? You’re on and heading to wherever you want to go, which is all fine and dandy. But what about getting off? No one wants to ride the colectivo forever, especially if it ends up in a barrio that is less than tourist-friendly. Enter the next installment: “Permiso, yo bajo.”

riding the colectivo part 2: Don't Be a Bus Stop Boludo

Welcome back! Hopefully the Guia-T introduction was helpful and you found a bus that can take you where you want to go (without too much flipping fatigue!) Once you find the bus stop, the hard part’s over! The only thing left to do is wait until said bus shows up and get on, right? Well, sure you could do that, but unless you follow some simple bus stop rules, people are going to know you’re a tourist and that’s never good (makes you more of a target for pick-pockets, for one thing). It doesn’t require a trip to Madame Defarge’s School of Deportment, but behavior at bus stops is governed by a implicit set of rules that, once you know them, are easy to follow and will make colectivo-riding much smoother (though not literally, the roads are still covered in potholes and suspensions are practically nonexistent—more like trampolines than floorboards).

First, LINES. If you approach a bus stop and there is a line of people waiting, you must go to the end of the line. This is common sense, but you’d be surprised. If there is more than one bus route number listed on the pole, as often happens along the main avenidas (Santa Fe, Puerreydon, Corrientes, Córdoba, Rivadavia, Cabildo, Belgrano, etc), there will still only be ONE line of people. This is important to note as it affects the next step: flagging.

FLAGGING a bus down is obviously a crucial step, because the bus will NOT stop automatically at every bus stop. The drivers (colectiveros) are operating a kind of mass chauffeur service, and will only stop when signaled, either by someone on the bus who would like to get off (bajar = to get off), or by someone on the ground who would like to get on (subir = to get on). So, unless you signal the driver to stop, he will thunder right past, leaving you choking on his smoke. To flag, stick your arm out, almost in a Hile Hitler pose (PC?), when the bus is about half a block away and keep it there until it’s within a few hundred yards, just to make sure. They will not signal that they saw you as taxis do, so none of this wimpy limp-arm nonsense: be a firm flagger! Sometimes you might have to step out into the street to signal your bus, especially if there are other buses around; in this case, modify the flagging motion so that you kind of point to the bus you want and maybe walk toward it a little, with a kind of “I want YOU” attitude.

If you are the first or only person at a bus stop, clearly you must flag your bus. However, even if you are at the back of the line, you should still flag your bus. There are several reasons for this. First, if the line is for multiple routes, you don’t know which—if any—of the people in front of you want the same bus as you, and so they might not flag. Second, there are several bus routes that have different ramales/recorridos (branches), and it’s often impossible to tell which one is which until the bus is right in front of you, so sometimes people will flag a bus but then wave it on if they realize it’s the wrong one. Third, the driver needs to know approximately how many people will be getting on the bus, so technically everyone in line should flag it, although not everyone does.

MANNERS are important in bus-stop behavior. In general, men will step aside and allow older women, women with children, or pregnant women to board the bus first, even if the man is the first in line. This is so that these women will have first choice of seats. Some men will even allow younger women to board before them; I’ve had plenty of men signal me that I should get on first and I am in no way old, pregnant, or burdened with niños. As a younger woman, I too tend to let older people get on before me, because it’s polite and my mama raised me right, plus the old people here are adorably classy and I enjoy it when they say “Ah, gracias querida!”

Finally, get your MONEDAS ready while you’re waiting at the stop: either have the correct amount in hand or easy access to where you keep them stashed. No one likes the boludo who has to fumble around for coins and keep the whole line of people waiting, particularly since the driver will continue on his manic way as soon as the last person’s foot has left the ground, regardless of whether the rest of his body is still hanging out the door.

In sum: wait in line, flag it down, be polite, be prepared. Coming up: You’re On! Now What?

riding the colectivo part 1: The Guia-T

Oh, Guia-T. How beautiful you are, with your tiny maps and seemingly orderless grids of numbers. It may look highly complicated at first glance, but the Guia-T (cute Castellano pun: guia-T = guiate = guide yourself….get it? ja.) is quite simple and insanely useful. It’s known as the bible of public transportation here in Buenos Aires, and for good reason: careful reading and interpretation will get you where you want to go, whether your heaven is Palermo, Retiro, or further abroad. But wait! There’s more. The Guia-T can also be used as a regular map if you just ignore the bus numbers, and it’s one that won’t label you an instant tourist. Pulling out a TimeOut or Lonely Planet will automatically mark you as a gringo turista, but whipping out a Guia-T, especially a ragged and well-thumbed one won’t cause much of a fuss…I’ve seen plenty of porteños consulting their Guia-T like it weren’t no thang.

So, how to acquire it. Go to pretty much any kiosk or magazine stand and ask, they’ll probably have one for about 5 pesos or so. Or you can wait until someone on the subte comes around selling them, I’ve seen them on the D-line most recently for 6 pesos (the new fancied-up 2010 version too, very classy.) The routes do change sometimes, so I would recommend using a fairly up to date one. My friend used a 2004 version recently and ended up in La Boca at about 9pm, not the best time for a visit.

Once you have the goods, its time to decipher. First, the front of the book has a zoomed out map of Greater Buenos Aires and its barrios, so you can see where the different areas are in relation to each other. (Btw I’m using the 2009 version, I’m not sure if the 2010 one is laid out differently, but it should be basically the same format). And…the map is actually the right way up, unlike those in TimeOut and other publications that turn the city so that the Plaza de Mayo is at the bottom…highly confusing and quite cartographically inaccurate. In reality, Puerto Madero is the furthest east you can go, with Belgrano up to the north, Boca to the south, and the rest of the city spreading out westwards. But anywho.

After this map is an alphabetical listing of all streets in Buenos Aires. All of them. This is where a colectivo virgin starts.

Step 1: Look up the name of the street you want to start from in the index. Once you find it, if it’s a longer street it will be divided up into segments according to block number. Find which block you are on and then go to the “plano” and specific square that is listed next to it, for example 16 B1.

Each page after this index is a plano, or map. These planos often connect to each other, ie if a road runs off the left of the page, it will say “continúa en el plano blahblah,” and then you just go to the right side of that plano and keep going. An interesting activity if you have an extra Guia-T is to cut out each plano and tape them together in order. I’ve done this (takes ages), but the resulting map is quite impressive; it really shows just how big the city actually is. There is life beyond Almagro people!

Step 2: Once you have your location (ours is 16 B1), find the corresponding square in the grid on the left page. All the buses that run through that particular map square are listed here.

Step 3: Now you do the same thing for the location you want to end up at: find the street, block, plano, and square. Then see if any of the same buses go from your home square to the final destination square. If there is a direct match, ie if the number appears in both squares, skip to the next step. If there are no direct matches, look at the surrounding squares on both planos to find a match--you might have to walk a few blocks to a bigger street. Note: using the Guia-T requires a certain amount of finger dexterity, as you often have to keep two or more plano pages open while also flipping back and forth between them and the route descriptions at the back of the book. Think of it as joint therapy.

Step 4: Once you find a match, turn to the back of the book and find your chosen bus number. Most buses will have two routes, “ida” and “regreso,” although some will have more complicated options such as different ramales or recorridos, but that’s another story. Ida or regreso doesn't really matter, you just have to make sure you get on the route that's going to the place you want to go, not coming from there.

This is where it gets tricky. Nowhere in the Guia-T does it mention where the actual bus stops are. The route descriptions in the back simply list the order of streets down which that particular bus travels, noting only when the bus turns onto a new street or when a street changes names. Annoying, yes, I know, but this is Argentina people, it’s a way of life.

Step 5: Find out which street in your home square the bus travels on. Do this by flipping back and forth between your plano and the description to see which of the streets in your square is mentioned in the description. Once you find it, that’s your street.

Step 6: Then, using the description in the back as a kind of trail guide, follow the route the bus takes. For example, if the description says: “Ave Cabildo, Ave Santa Fe, Ave Puerreydon, Ave Rivadavia,” that means that the bus starts off on Cabildo, which turns into Santa Fe (as you will see in the planos), goes down Santa Fe, turns on Puerreydon, then turns again on Rivadavia. Simple! It will take a lot of flipping at first, and following the streets can be hard sometimes if you don't know which direction they go, but with a bit of trial and error you'll get it!

Step 7: Finding the actual bus stop is a little hit or miss, but basically you just have to walk down the street in the direction the bus will be going until you find it. They tend to occur in groups…there will be stops for a bunch of different routes within the same block, and there will often be either a shelter or a marked pole with the number on it (although this is not a given, especially in the remoter areas of the city look for pieces of paper stuck to trees). There will also probably be a group of people waiting if it’s a popular route, so that should help. Or, when in doubt, just ask someone (donde esta la parada del (#)?) They might know, they might not, but it doesn't hurt to ask!

As you get to know the city better, it will get easier. Eventually you build up a kind of mental repertoire of buses that will get you different places, and you use those to get around. Also, find out which buses run past your house by looking at the various bus stops you see as you’re walking. Then use the Guia-T to look up those numbers and see where they go. That way you’ll have an idea of the different options available right outside your front door! Suerte!


Next up: At the Bus Stop

jump on board! riding the colectivo tutorials

I have many friends here in BA who have recently arrived and who are basically terrified to ride the buses. I mean, I don't blame them. The colectivos, as they are called, are notoriously loud and obnoxious beasts that spew black clouds of smoke as they hurtle violently from one stop to the next. From the ground, they are most definitely fear-inspiring, almost like facing a herd of stampeding wildebeest coming down a gorge (and we all know how that one turned out--thanks Disney!) Anyway, what with the size and the noise and blatant lack of regard for anything in their paths, combined with the stress of not knowing which line to take or where the stops are or how to pay, buses are clearly an intimidating option for general transportation.

However, they are also the best option, at least in my opinion. There are about 200 different lines that run in GBA and CapFed (actually there are a lot more, but numbers 1 through 200 are the most relevant for the average porteño/a), and between them they cover almost every block in the city. Additionally, they have windows. In the coming summer months, I guarantee you are not going to want to be underground in a little metal tube crammed with sweating Argentines. Just going down the steps into a subte station in January is like descending to the bowels of hell, only with BO instead of brimstone. And really, once you figure the system out and know a few tricks, the buses are actually really easy to ride. No excuses!!

Personally, I refused to ride the buses for the first few weeks I was here, because I was petrified at the thought of getting on one and ending up in Quilmes, or worse, in "Provincia"...the horrors! But, after doing some research online and reading some helpful articles, I got over myself, got on the 132, and the rest is history. So, for all those out there who are still (justifiably) intimidated by the colectivos, I've decided to write some tutorials on how to use the BA bus system. We'll be starting at the beginning, with the mother of all guidebooks: the GUIA-T! (cue clouds opening, ray of sunlight, choir of angels).


Talk about cliffhanger, eh? Stay tuned: Guia-T post will be up later tonight!