Deep Thoughts...Prepare Yourself

I’m waxing philosophical today, for a change. I’ve kind of been taking a “personal day” from the blog to focus on some things that I’ve chosen not to write about, both good things and bad things. But I’ve also been thinking a lot about life, especially because I’ll be living on my own again in a few days once my roommate Eli goes back to the States (blog coming up)—I always think more when something big in my life changes.

Back in the day (aka a few months ago) I used to think, “If only this one thing would happen, then my life would be perfect.” I think many people tend to do that…put their happiness on hold until that one specific thing falls into place. I’ve done it with weight (if I just lost those last 4 kilos), with love (if only I had a boyfriend), with money (if I had more money I could do everything I wanted).

But the thing I’ve realized is, it’s always something. Even if that one thing does fall into place, we immediately find something else that’s missing, or that isn’t right, or that isn’t good enough. I don’t know if it’s human nature, or just a bad habit that comes from a capitalistic, competitive society pushing us to always want more of everything.

Living here in Buenos Aires, I’ve learned that a perfect life is unattainable, at least in the sense that everything I want is going to fall into my lap, when I want it to. Perfection is impossible. But happiness is not. Happiness is so, so attainable. God, I sound like a Hugh Grant film. But really. I think I’ve figured it out.

Today I was thinking about the all things that need to get done before I can be “happy” or before my life is “perfect.” And trust me, it’s a long list. I want my papers so that I can stay here in this country and not have to feel worried about being forced to go back to the States some day. I need to fix my computer, because apparently Dell keyboards and mate do not like each other. I need to get rid of the invading army of fleas that have decided to take over my house and that appear to be enjoying their stay a bit too much. I want to lose 4 kilos. I want to be tan again. I need to clean the sink and organize the kitchen and sweep the balcony and do the laundry and pay the bills.

But then, as I was thinking about all this shit I “have” to do, I suddenly realized (DUH moment) that I am happy. I realized that the list of things that need to get done will never go away. Even if I did all the things on that list, by the time I was done with it I would have added fourteen new things to it. Little things, big things, there’s always something.

Sooooooo, why not just say fuck it and do my best? I’m happy with my life. I have everything I need, and everything I want. The list of things to do isn’t going anywhere, so why worry about it? I mean, I’m not saying that I’m not going to address the things on my list (the fleas are number one, believe me). But I’m not going to let my list dictate my happiness. And really, since I moved here, it doesn’t. Despite all the crap that must get done, I am happy. I just didn't know it.

See? HAPPY! (but do you see what I mean about the tan? eek.)